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Parenting With HIV -
Raising A Child When You're
HIV Positive

When you're HIV positive and raising a healthy, HIV negative child the basics are really no different from anybody else. And there are thousands of resources available to offer expert advice on raising children. But when you are HIV positive, there are a few added aspects to parenting that you'll need to address with much less resources to turn to for advice.

One of the very, very few studies done on this subject is available through DHHS Public Access and is an author manuscript by lead author Debra A. Murphy Ph. D. Published in 2011, it is titled, "Anxiety/Stress among Mothers Living with HIV: Effects on Parenting Skills & Child Outcomes." The study was conducted with women only but most likely pressures, stress, etc. would be the same for a father parenting with HIV.

The small sample-sized study found that in the sample of mothers living with HIV and their well, young children, maternal anxiety/stress had a direct association with parenting skills.

Those mothers who were more anxious about their own health and functioning, and more stressed in their parental role, were more likely to exhibit poorer parenting skills—specifically reporting they engaged children less frequently in family routines, had poorer parent-child communication, and had less consistent discipline. Those findings were consistent with findings on general population parent samples, although this study indicates a broad range of parenting skills are affected by maternal anxiety/stress.

The range of deficits indicated a strong need for parenting interventions for mothers living with HIV. Having entered the third decade of the HIV/AIDS epidemic, growing numbers of children are living with an infected mother. Few interventions, other than for prevention or medication adherence, are available for women living with HIV.

The current study identified several points of intervention needed for mothers living with HIV and their school-age children. Parenting interventions need to provide parents with information on:

(1) How their psychological distress can affect family functioning and child outcomes

(2) Strategies and support for dealing with their psychological distress

(3) Skills for implementation of family routines, and assistance with strategies for older children or other support figures to maintain family routines and monitoring if the mothers are unable to so (e.g., during times of illness, hospitalization, or fatigue)

(4) Strategies for how mothers can improve parent-child communication.

The study points out a distinct need for all of these tools but there are still very few resources to access.

Here are a few considerations to get you thinking first about you, then about your child and last, the environment that surrounds both of you.

Take care of yourself first
You have a responsibility to be there for your child. In order to do that, your first responsibility is to take care of yourself.

When you're HIV positive, that means doing what it takes to maintain your physical and mental health both short-term and for the long haul. This can work wonders on your stress level! Parents with older children know that the problems kids have don't go away as they get older, they just get bigger, so your child is going to need you around for a long time.

For starters, when you begin your initial HIV regimen, make sure that you are not just physically but mentally and emotionally ready, because adherence - making sure you take your meds 95%-plus every time - is critical. If you have an addiction problem with drugs or alcohol, are suffering from depression, are a victim of domestic violence or have another issue that might get in the way of proper adherence, find help to deal with those issues and discuss them with your doctor. Today, there are other options if your first regimen fails but the options are not infinite so your best shot is the first shot. Make sure you're ready to start and continue!

Next, to keep you feeling good, to increase your overall energy and add years to your life start and maintain a healthy diet and include exercise. Diet and exercise is good for both you and your child. The exercise aspect can actually become a bonding experience if you include your child in the activity. Remember, exercise doesn't have to be grueling iron pumping sessions at the gym, it can be fun like riding a bike with your child or just going on walks.

Educate your child
Just like you have become educated about HIV, when you feel the time is right, educate your child about HIV. You know your child better than anyone and you should decide at what age your child's maturity level is where it should be to discuss your HIV status with him or her.

Education is vital especially in younger children. Just explaining that you are HIV positive is not enough. There is more wrong or bad information out there than right and good information and unfortunately the uninformed usually love to have the loudest voice so make sure your son or daughter knows what's right and that's what comes from you. This is an area where you have control if you take it so by all means do! Explaining your HIV status to your child can also be a huge weight off of your shoulders which in turn, can decrease stress and anxiety.

Your environment
You're a parent of a child and you happen to be HIV positive. It's your business and nobody else's. That is absolutely right.

The HIV stigma still exists and there is misinformation or just lack of information among people who are uneducated so they fear it. This fear can be transferred to your child even though your child is not HIV positive, manifesting in situations of alienation or discrimination for your child.

The thing to think about here is nearly exactly the same as at work. Just remember that outside of the workplace, there are not the same laws to protect you.

Be careful who you disclose your HIV status to. Make sure that if you do feel the need to disclose your status for whatever reason that it is told in confidence to someone you know and can trust.

Look for support
This is just a start. If you feel you need more help and information, ask about parenting support groups at your local AIDS Service Organization or Community Based Organizations. In larger cities, HIV hotlines might also be able to offer suggestions.





Copyright 2018, Positive Health Publications, Inc.

This magazine is intended to enhance your relationship with your doctor - not replace it! Medical treatments and products should always be discussed with a licensed physician who has experience treating HIV and AIDS!